My sensei is gonna help me pay for grad school

My friends are helping me realize who I can be rather than who i have been

My personality is primed for change

I think its time to run with the change

I need to do something to get out of here I feel myself dying inside knowing I could do more but not knowing how and being afraid to make a choice that might not pan out. I’ve always been willing to pay extra for a sure thing even if I could get something for cheaper or less trouble through another avenue. I might take that approach with my life and take a very big plunge 

My friend has been having problems with his girlfriend. I didn’t know this I’ve been having issues in my life that have eclipsed all else but today I got to set aside my problems and think about my friend and offer advice on relationships. It was nice to help again and to see myself in the light that my friends have seen me in again. I feel oddly refreshed : )  

Just painted this I feel like the three of them having only one of the three evils means something the one guy speaks evil the other sees evil and the girl hears evil If I had to decide what It meant seeing as I painted it i’d say that the guy who speaks evil killed the guy who saw the evil to prevent interference with the girl who hears evil 

Ughh I need something to do reflection is not an option my brain is gonna explode I dont wanna deal with this right now I dont want to deal with guilt and emotions I want to be me again I want to feel nothing. 

This year I’ve decided that I will make two of the people in my life one of a kind Christmas presents I will by hand carve out a book safe made from old tomes salvaged from Libraries or Good Wills. That is all carry on 

Yeah kinda in disbelief thought that old bastard was immortal hahaha

I helped my estranged best friend move Its nice to have my Brother back

I made people Smile by telling them the truth

I might have made a finger painting date with a very pretty girl still can’t believe that one

And I found out my father died yesterday

Yep that was Today 

I hate math mostly because I’m good at it and it does not lie. 

So I have a New Years resolution by this time next year I will be 100% debt free

I’m in a little debt because of three things 

An irresponsible trip overseas $1000

An irresponsible trip that included swimming with dolphins, handling gators, a nice hotel room and some awesome memories $700

and Helping my families business to not fail $800

Fuck My life I mean I got a college degree for free and pocketed a bit from it but that went to propping up my families failing business too $ 4,000 and my car $6,000 so essentially I have nothing to complain about but I’m still pissed for the next year I have to ration my pennies. Trip to Colombia you are on hold Vegas Weekend you too New wardrobe only if the old one has holes : ( 

I hate that I’m not privileged and yet not totally poor 

at least if I was a starving student I would get my six pack back